Long haul...

Driving long distances by yourself tend to lend itself to thinking deeply about things that usually don’t occupy much time. It occurred to me yesterday that I’ve officially lived here in Memphis for three years now. Of course I’ve really been here about six months longer than that, but for purposes of keeping the official record, I’ve decided not to count time spent living in a hotel in that figure. Buying a house seems to be the definitive announcement that you have arrived somewhere and are digging in for the long fight. The ironic thing is that I really never had any intention of staying here as long as I have. I had planned on coming to Memphis, picking up a promotion or two, making a quick buck on a house that should appreciate, and heading back to the DC area in a year or two and get back to my life. The first part of that plan worked out fairly well at least.

The recession and housing collapse have seen to it that the second part of the plan wouldn’t work out as I had envisioned. And, as usual, something unexpected happened… I got comfortable here. That’s not to say that I love Memphis as that would be an outright lie. Memphis is a necessary evil much like every other city I’ve ever lived or worked in. But the ridiculously low cost of living, relative ease of getting around, and ability to get “back east” within a day’s drive or a three hour flight have really made me question whether I’m willing to go back to DC… and the two bedroom condo and three hour round trip commute that I would find there. The fact is that I rather like getting to the house 30-minutes after leaving the office.

I dearly miss the proximity to power that you can only find in DC and given my druthers, Memphis would have a more sophisticated feel and figure out a way to get itself unstuck from 1953, but for the foreseeable future, I think I’ve slowly come to accept that I’m going to be here… Until something comes along back east that’s just too good to pass up. So if anyone up there is in need of a slightly used logistician/process improver/policy writer/strategist let me know.

Quality vs. Quantity

Family time is a good thing. It's especially good when you live 900 miles away and don't get to see them as often as you'd like. The trouble is balancing quality time versus quantity time, particularly when you're use to living alone and doing everything on your own schedule. I love my family dearly, but I think I've reached that tipping point where the best thing to do is get out on my own for a little while, decompress from the just-passed holiday and unwind a bit. Now to find a place in Allegany County that knows how to make a rum punch.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

All about Eve...

Traveling with dogs is always an adventure. Watching southern dogs try to come to terms with snow is really something you need to see in person to fully appreciate, though. I'm happy to report that this Christmas Eve hasn't been too traumatic for either the dogs or for my mother this year. In fact, I think she's starting to warm to them a bit as this year they've even been allowed into the living room. That's a real upgrade from last year's banishment to the kitchen for the duration of the trip. I, of course, am on pins and needles hoping they don't leave a Christmas surprise to be discovered later. That would surely send us back to square one. At the moment, there's a fire in the fireplace, the dogs are curled up at my feet, and mother hasn't threatened to toss the whole lot of us to the basement. So far so good.

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You're not that festive...

In the last two weeks I've probably seen two or three dozen cars with antlers sticking out their windows and red tennis balls wired to their grills. I know opinions are like certain anatomical regions, but really those don't make you or your car look festive. They make you look like a giant asshat. How on earth did you look at those in the store and think "Hey, that would be a good idea?" One more reason to question the health on western civilization.

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Use-or-Lose...

It’s that time of year again when the pace of things at the federal government grinds to a halt and nearly everyone with more that four or five years on the job has visions of the next two weeks off dancing in their heads. It’s use-or-lose leave season in the federal government and that means for all practical purposes, the bureaucracy ceases to function in any meaningful way. The burning of excess leave is one of the great traditions of government employees and I’m happy to be partaking once again this holiday season.

Occasionally, though, you run into a problem during this time of year; an issue that someone thinks just can’t wait until after the start of the new year. That’s when the endless round of phone tag and a steady stream of email interrupts what you were sure was going to be two weeks of rest and relaxation. There’s really not a tactful way to tell people to bugger off, but I’m going to try my best to do it for two weeks starting tomorrow afternoon around 3:30.

As a rule, I do my damndest to avoid contacting people when they are on leave, If I drop them an email, it’s for something they’ll need to know when they get back to the office, not something they should be working on when they are burning vacation time. I’ll never object to answering a few emails here and there or even returning an occasional phone call while I’m gone… But I don’t want anyone to get the impression that I’m going to spend any more than the barest minimum amount of time thinking about or doing work while I’m gone. So, if you want the cheap and easy answer to your questions, ask me sometime in the next 16 days… or if you want the well-developed and articulated answer, give me a call on January 4^th and I’ll give it something close to my full attention.

Until then, I encourage those calling on official business to please leave a message and I’ll return your call in the order in which it was received… eventually.

Resolution...

When i think I'm right, I may have a bit of a tendency to dig in my heels. When I get challenged on it, I have a propensity to get downright nasty. And occasionally, I'm willing to go so far as to write proverbial checks that I'm not particularly going to want to cash later. I've had alot of line for a long time and a natural instinct to fight to keep every inch of it when it gets reeled in a bit. Maybe someday I'll learn to pick my fights a little better. But for now, it seems the best possible outcome is simple resolution... And the chance to pick other fights on other days.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Just an old fashioned guy...

I’ve been seeing a lot of articles lately about the Kindle, Nook, and various other e-book readers… and I’ve decided that I like real books. I like the way they feel in your hand and the way the paper smells. I like that there is something tactile about reading a book; that the binding has just the right amount of give. I like that a book is a physical manifestation of the knowledge printed between the covers.

I know that I’m about as big a fan of technology as anyone out there, but I just can get behind the whole e-book thing. I’m ok with a cell phone being the size of a business card. I’m ok that my laptop has far more computing power than all the moon missions combined. I have a terminal addiction to the latest and greatest bright, shiny, and new technology… except for this one thing. So that’s my line in the sand. I’m sticking with books made from paper. It’s been good enough for everyone since the dawn of civilization… so I guess that makes me an old fashioned guy.

Good days...

Some days are good, some are bad, but I’ve found that most of them tend to fall somewhere in the middle. On the good days it’s easy to forget that the bad ones are out there and to not even think of the mediocre ones. Today was one of the good days. Projects are moving along, there was no dust-up at the last minute, no insane requirements dispatched by email at the last possible minute. It wasn’t quite as easy to savor as the good ones have been in the past, because I know there’s a bad one out there waiting for me… and I know it’s more likely than not that I’m going to take a beating. For now, I’ll enjoy the good days when I can get them, but I’ll be keeping an eye on the horizon.

Otherwise occupied...

Writing is an act of self-revelation. Unfortunately, I’m at a bit of a point where I’m not positioned to reveal much of what’s going on behind the scenes just now. Perhaps someday it will come out in the special edition “unreleased blogs,” but for the time being mum’s the word. I don’t like being this quiet for this long, particularly on issues that are impacting everything else that I do… and I certainly don’t like how much it impacts my ability to find something to write about other than the issue that’s embargoed. For the time being, I’m going to try to be content with getting my thoughts together in other venues and preparing as best I can with as much information as I can get together. Suffice to say for the moment that other concerns are monopolizing my time. It will be a happy thing when this is no longer the case. I want swift resolution and to get the issue behind me as quickly as possible. In the interim, I’ll keep posting as the spirit moves me, but keep your expectations under control, as I don’t think there will be an epic rant posted any time in the near future. Here’s hoping January will be a better month than December has been.

Changing plans...

One of the great aspects of my job is it has allowed me to see places and things I would have never seen otherwise. The down side of that, of course, is that you sometimes have very little control over where you go or when you go there. I had already planned on being back on the greater DC/Maryland area for the better part of a week for Christmas. Now, thanks to Uncle Sam, I'll be spending next week in Northern Virginia as well. It's not that I have any problem with being there, but it would just be nice if I weren't going to be making two 1800 mile round-trips in the next three weeks.

The good news is that I've got a posh hotel in Old Town within a block-and-a-half radius of two of my favorite Irish pubs. I guess life could be worse. If anyone's looking for me, there's a fair chance you'll find me at Pat Troy's! I might even manage to get some work done while I'm in town.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Getting back at it...

Now that I’ve had a few days off, I’m really of two minds when it comes to getting back to work tomorrow. The giant slacker part of me doesn’t have any interest in any of it and wants to put it off as long as possible. The more career minded part of me remembers that I’ve got projects running that need attention and that I’m still scheduled to be off two weeks in December and if I don’t want them to crap out then, I need to get on the stick now and get them squared away. While the practical part of my brain is going to make sure I get up at 4:30 tomorrow, the slacker part isn’t going to like it at all.

I can see now that it’s going to take a feat of strength to keep my focus during the next couple of weeks. I can’t point to exactly what combination of forces have conspired to steal my give-a-shit, but they got away clean. Late fall and winter have never been my favorite time of year and this seasonal lack of motivation is nothing new. This year, though, it came on strong and faster than usual. I’ve had the better part of a week off and I don’t feel any more rested than I did the week before. At this rate, it’s going to be a long road to spring. So tomorrow, I’m going to get back at it. If I’m going to be tired, it might as well be from doing something semi-productive.

Surviving Friday...

I’m happy to say that I officially survived Black Friday here in Memphis and managed to pick up a few things without beating people to death with their own 40-inch flat screen televisions. Every year people are surprised that I would show up anywhere on this day, but like everything else I do, I have my reasons. Black Friday is essentially everything I hate about people all wrapped up in one day. And while I basically have no use for people, my weakness in this case is that I like to watch them interact with one another. It’s like my very own retail-baited Petri dish. The draw of watching stupid people in large groups simply overcomes my aversion to being in close proximity to them. Mostly, though, I went out this Friday morning to be a human shield and for whatever lifting or toting might have been necessary.

I’d love to say that I went out Friday with great goals of finding perfect Christmas, but what I actually ended up coming home with was a new Bluetooth keyboard and a 1TB Time Capsule. I’m just starting use to the keyboard and it’s definitely different than the wired version that I have been using. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll miss the number pad and full-sized arrow keys yet or not. The bottom line is that it’s one more device that lets me cut the wire and adds a surprising amount of space on the desk. Less clutter = good. The Time Capsule is a horse of a different color. I know I’m probably more paranoid about backups than most, but there is something reassuring in knowing that every file on my computer is being backed up multiple times a day. My backup files should never really be more than an hour or two old now… and that kind of instant restoration makes me happy.

Big plans...

The last working day of the week is wrapped up and I’m looking forward to my favorite food holiday of the year and seven days of basically having nothing that I really have to do. Of course there’s plenty that actually needs done and I’ll probably even do some of them, but hanging out at the house is exactly what I’m looking forward to doing. For now, I’ll sit here happy in the knowledge that I can be as unreachable as I want to be for the next week. The last semblance of “must do” activities is picking up the turkey from Honeybaked tomorrow evening. After that, it’s mainly about hanging around the kitchen and playing gopher while the cook is hard at work on the rest of the meal. How’s that for good times?

Ol' Jim...

Through most of college my drinks of choice were whiskey sours (when the budget allowed buying liquor instead of Red Dog or Beast). I've had all the right mixers in the house for a week and just poured myself a tall one with Jim Beam black. Boy-o-boy, now that's a tasty drink. And I'm super-glad that the budget can now sustain buying bettter materials than Old Grandad or Old Crow. Now all that's left to do is mix another one and hope that the Flat Tire ales I had at the Saucer tonight don't want to pick a fight with ol' Jim later this evening.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Deficit spending...

To say I'm running a sleep deficit might be the understatement of the decade. Once upon a time, four hours of sleep was good enough to get up and do it all over again. Those days are probably fading faster than I want to admit. Still, I like to think I've got one or two more good runs left in me. I've got five working days out of the next two weeks and with the proper application of coffee and raw determination, I might just be able to hang on for the ride.

Of course just now it's off to bed... Tomorrow's wake up is about two hours earlier than usual. God help me.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Tendencies...

As a rule it doesn't tend to take all that long before people start annoying me... Particularly people who are in my space for an extended period of time. When someone's in my space and that doesn't automatically happen, I'm pretty much at a loss. I suppose that means we play it by ear... Yet another skill which I seem to completely lack. New frontiers all the way around, I suppose.

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Chewed...

There are alot of perks to dog ownership. One of them isn't getting a phone call at nine in the morning that about a pup that managed to sneak away and turn an inhaler to little bits. The good news is that after a trip to the vet and getting meds to make him blow chunks, Winston doesn't seem to be any the worse for wear. I had really thought that at two he was basically over the whole chewing whatever happend to be close to the ground thing. Apparently, not so much. Unfortunately, that means it's back to watching him like a hawk any time he tries to leave the room. Hopefully tomorrow will be slightly less eventful.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Citibank Visa (Sucks)

I’ve carried a Visa card from Citibank since I was 19 years old. In the last twelve years, it’s gone everywhere from Europe, to Hawaii, to the Caribbean and it’s been well used on those trips and has always been in good standing. That’s why I was a little surprised when I opened the mail this afternoon to find that Citibank was planning on increasing my regular interest rate to 21.99% on December 20^th. Now lord knows I don’t have a problem giving my cards a workout, but at 22% they can keep their money. Seriously, who borrows money at a rate like that?

Of course, the fine folks at Citibank were quick to point out that I could get a lower 15.99% rate and all I’d have to do would be transfer a $5000 balance from a different card and that 16% rate would be mine for the next 18 months… and then go up to 22%. Is that a great deal or what? Customer service was plenty sympathetic, but insisted that my only option was accepting the new rate or closing the account (and taking the hit on my credit score in the process). Those aren’t the only options of course and it seems that it’s time for me to say farewell Citibank. As I type this, a balance transfer authorization is enroute from Discover (with a 13.5% rate locked in) to the home office in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

So, Citibank, I’m not going to pay your ridiculous “standard” rate and I’m certainly not going to wreck my credit score by closing the account. I’m just going to let it sit there being something you have to update and keep track of and send statements about until I decided what to do with you. In the meantime, I’m going to do my bit to spread the word about how ate up your company is and directing as much business as possible to your competitors.

Watching the world wake up...

Tell most people younger than me that there were once two Germanys and two Berlins and they'll look at you like you've suddenly sprouted a third arm in the center of your chest. They don't remember a world where a great city was divided by concrete barricades and when all of Europe was divided by an iron curtain; or when two superpowers stood toe-to-toe and tried to spend one another into oblivion through proxy wars and an arms race. And then we watched that world that we had all grown up with dissolve before our eyes on cable television.

If a man is extraordinarily lucky, he gets to live through that kind of change once in his lifetime. In twenty years there's been nothing to compare those days against. A hundred years from now when the first relatively objective histories of the last half of the 20th century are being written, they will tell the story of leaders like Walesa, Thatcher, Reagan, John Paul II and Gorbachev. They'll tell stories of round the clock airlifts to ensure the freedom of a city cut off from the rest of the world. They'll tell stories of every day heroics by those who sought freedom on both sides of the wall. And finally they'll tell stories about the day that wall was torn down.

Twenty years ago today, all the world watched and wondered as the unthinkable happened, as history suddenly shifted on its axis, as the rising tide of freedom washed over the concrete battlements of an empire in retreat. I can’t imagine when I’d rather be than right here, right now.

Getting healthy...

It’s hard to imagine that the trillion dollar healthcare plan passed by the House last night will do much of anything good for the vast majority of Americans. I’ll admit that I haven’t been following the issue as closely as others, but a cursory look seems to indicate that the federal government will be getting into head-to-head competition with private insurers. As a rule, I tend to believe competition in the marketplace is a good thing for consumers as it encourages development of new and innovative solutions and helps to control costs or dive them down. In order to do this, though, competition must take place on a level playing field. Private sector companies must look to their bottom line and compete using limited resources. The federal government recognizes no such resource limitations, making head-to-head competition with the private sector an inherently unfair proposition.

I don’t think Met Life or Blue Cross Blue Shield will go out of business tomorrow, but I do think the direct competition between the federal government and the private sector as defined by the House is going to be bad for all of us… Or at least all of us who are happy with our current insurance plan. Until someone can tell me how this program can be sustained over time without contributing to an increasingly unsustainable operating deficit or dramatically higher taxes, I remain opposed.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Doc-in-a-Box...

One of the trials and tribulations of getting older is that we don’t bounce back quite as quickly from obnoxious little illnesses as we did when Thursdays were for dime drafts. I was over the worst of the cold I caught about a week ago, but the sinus pressure hadn’t really let up and I kept a nagging cough that I could never quite convince to go away. So, after a week of hoping for the best and wheezing and snorting my way around west Tennessee, I figured it was probably time to consult a professional. Although I do have a “regular” doctor who keeps a very nice office downtown, I’ve found the more convenient option to be going to the doc-in-a-box in one of the nearby shopping centers. I was literally in and out in 30 minutes with a diagnosis of my regular post cold sinus infection and bronchitis, two handfuls of samples, three prescriptions, and $75 worth of coupons. A quick trip to Kroger and I was loaded down with nasal spray, super-powered antibiotics, and codeine-enriched cough pills… and a bill of $6.37. All of that is a long way of saying how much I love this clinic. If going to the doctor were always that easy, I’d be there three times a month. Seriously, they’re that friggin awesome. So, my friends, if you ever find yourself in Memphis and in need of large doses of powerful medications, the Methodist Minor Medical family of clinics should be able to fill the bill nicely. They’ve got my personal seal of approval.

Can’t let go…

I know I should be putting the whole sordid experience behind me now, but I just can’t quite seem to let the last four weeks go that easily. I’ve given up being disturbed by the structure of the class itself and its mind-numbingly repetitive combination of research and briefings. Currently, my greatest concern is that looking back at it in retrospect there were a disturbing number of what I can only assume are reasonably intelligent people who didn’t seem to be at all troubled by the issues that were driving me all but over the edge. I suppose there’s always the possibility that they’re right and I’m wrong, but I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve never thought of myself as a free thinker or a radical, but in the context of people who work for the Army, perhaps that’s what I’m becoming by degree. The idea that we’re doing something just because someone with the title coach or colonel says it’s the way makes less sense to me as time goes on. Prove to me that what you’re saying makes sense or that it’s a better way to do business, but my days of blind faith are long gone. I guess as I look back on it, I grow more frustrated that so few “leaders” recognized the waste for what it was and that virtually none were willing to call it out when they saw it.

I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the lesson that I was supposed to take away from the experience, but there it is. The real question, then, is whether I’m willing to keep calling the spades when I see them and dealing with the fallout or whether I’ll give it up and go along to get along.

Good enough for government work...

At least by one assertion the phrase “good enough for government work,” was coined at an ammunition plant and signified that the product met or exceeded all technical specifications and was suitable for delivery to the federal government for issue to the Army. Then again, that was the 40s and at the time government set standards were generally in excess of those commonly in use by industry. Now, of course, Good Enough defines the Dilbert-esq incompetence and indifference that the federal government labors under.

For the record, being Good Enough defines my entire goal for the rest of this week. On Friday morning, Good Enough gets the certificate as the honor graduate. So, here’s the deal: I’ll sit here quietly and not cause too many problems and you’ll give me that piece of paper at the end of the week… Then we’re going to go our separate ways and pretend that none of this actually happened. Good enough?

False start...

I've started three different posts in the last two days and haven't had the motivation to finish any of them. It's a sad state of affairs when the thing I want to complain about most is the thing that saps my enthusiasm write it down. One of these false starts looks promising, though, so it may go up some time over the weekend if I can work the kinks out and find a reserve of give-a-damn.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

The morning’s lesson ran two hours over and all I got out of it was this lousy post…

I’m not necessarily an expert in educational theory, but I picked up enough of it getting my undergrad to know that following the same research, brief, research brief, research format for three weeks tends to become less effective over time. “Inquiry Based Learning” is a fine idea and probably works well enough most of the time, but in swinging the pendulum away from the traditional training model, it doesn’t account for those actually learn from listening to Subject Matter Experts or simply by reading the text and discussing the issues. Effectively, it simply changes the type of learner that will most benefit within the training environment. Sure, you’ve picked up some of the outliers on one side of the spectrum, but you’ve lost those on the other side.

I guess what I’m saying is that mostly I just want you to tell me what information you need me to read, process, and discuss and then bugger off while I do that. I don’t need a team, or a group, or a gaggle or flock to make that happen. Really, all those extra people are going to do is slow me down. I’ve become an extremely effective army of one and I promise when I need additional help, I’ll ask for it. Until then, I’d be much happier if you would just stay the hell out of my way. You’re not going to change my mind about what style I personally find more effective so you can stop giving me the hard sell. I’m not buying.

It’s a relief to know that unless my career trajectory takes a radical departure from its current course, this is effectively my last long course I’ll need to take. The rest I can pick up in week-long chunks or online and all I’ll need to focus on is keeping my certifications current. Ultimately, the brain will only retain what the ass can endure… and at the moment, my ass is just plain worn out. The only thing that matters now is punching that ticket, checking one more box, and then clearing the hell out.

P.S. It’s interesting that one of the “coaches” commented on the need for better time management this morning, but that the morning’s instructor led session ran two hours over schedule. Go figure.

Only week three? Seriously? Uggg.

Today starts week three in the hotel and it’s not so much that I really miss Memphis or anything about it, but I really am starting to miss having all my crap in one place. Even with the volume of clothes, electronics, and sundry other goods I take on the road with me, there doesn’t seem to be a day that I don’t need to go somewhere to pick up something I either forgot or didn’t realize I needed until it wasn’t here. I use to be pretty good at living out of suitcases, but more and more it’s become just another of life’s annoyances. Add that the colossal waste of time that this class has turned out to be and the disturbing array of alleged leaders I’ve been dealing with and it’s remarkable that no one has barred the doors and set the building aflame. Seriously. It would be a welcome change of pace from listening to this bunch flounder about all day.

So, it looks like I’m going to be in a progressively more antagonistic mode for each of the next 12 days. I’m actually a bit curious to find how far I can push some of these people before they finally snap. After skipping out on today’s session, I’m pretty sure I can expect a warm welcome in the morning. A tweak here, a nudge there, and maybe I can get someone to explode. That would be entertaining for a few minutes and it would certainly break up the day. I mean, after all, what’s the point of being part of a team if you can’t deal with conflict, right?

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Forming, Storming… and that’s about as far as we’re going to get…

OK, “Team” Four, I’m going to be perfectly honest with you here. We’re not a team. We’re barely even a group. Maybe the most generous description is that we are a bunch of people sitting in the same room chatting from time to time and occasionally tinkering with a few PowerPoint slides.

Realistically, I’m not at all sure that giving a few sentences of explanation, four hours, and a group completely unwilling to trust the actual technical expert in their midst is the best way to ensure that we develop a well researched, articulate, fully-justified, and detailed analysis of an issue. Of course deciding to change direction completely at 4:30 on Friday afternoon is not necessarily a constructive use of time, either.

With that said, I want to let you know that I’m done with the unpaid overtime racking up while we sit with our thumbs up our collective 4^th points of contact. So in general, I need you to stop being jerkoffs and get your expectations a little more aligned with reality. Otherwise, I’m pretty much finished with the lot of you.

Getting mooned...

I know this is slightly old news, but it was sort of a busy weekend and I’m just not getting around to commenting on the fact that we friggin’ bombed the moon… The friggin’ MOON! That’s some old school flag waving, there, son! Now I’m not at all surprised that we can bomb the moon. After all, we got pretty good at getting there in the 60s and 70s, but the fact that someone had the fortitude to sit in a meeting with very serious people and say, “You know, if we spent a few hundred million dollars, I bet we could throw a big rock at the moon and then test whatever it kicks up.” Seriously, I want to sit in meetings like that. The last meeting I was in involved looking at how many investigations were ongoing into people who lost government property. Guess which meeting was more fun.

I’m sure there was plenty of legitimate science to justify bombing the moon, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say I’m glad we did it for no other reason than because we can. The last half of the 20^th century was full of “that’s friggin’ sweet” moments and I, for one, would like to see more of them in this century. So, whatever you guys at NASA are dreaming up, I say go forth and do great things. The more your experiments sound like the next episode of Mythbusters, the better off you and your budget are going to be in the long run. I just hope you’ve got something good dreamed up for your next act, because following this up is going to involve some serious work.

Drying up...

You’ve probably noticed lately that the volume and length of posts haven’t exactly been lighting the world on fire. It’s certainly not that the world has stopped pissing me off or that people have suddenly become less obnoxious. The routine of nine hours in class, grabbing some dinner at the nearest chain restaurant, and then heading back to the hotel to try keeping up with my actual job hasn’t been terribly conducive to generating new and interesting complaints (not that Sunday afternoons in Western Maryland are any more helpful in identifying issues, really). I get the sense that seven or eight consecutive posts about what asshats my fellow students are doesn’t exactly make for interesting reading. Of course the president has now won a Nobel Prize for having displayed great potential for influencing the future development of peaceful international relations, so I suppose anything is possible…

Another "Dear Colleagues..."

Dear Colleagues,

I understand the concept of strategic thinking may be new to you and that you may not be use to looking at the interconnectedness of world events from the perspective our both our allies and our adversaries. I get that this is new for you and I even get that it’s not something that everyone will ever do for a living. By the same token, you need to come to terms with the fact that you don’t have a bleeding clue what you’re doing and leave the heavy lifting to the people with the big brains.

I certainly am not claiming to have all the answers or even to be the finest strategist in the room, but I recognize my own limitations and make allowances accordingly. You, on the other hand, seem doomed to second guess yourselves ad infinitum and to work into the late hours of the evening drafting and redrafting a presentation that by the instructors own admission they are going to cut to pieces no matter how well developed the ideas it contains. Here’s a hint: that friendly comment was their way of telling you not to stress over it too much, because it’s just a first effort and bound to be full of holes.

So, in the future, I would encourage you to try to get your shit together - Particularly when you have six hours to put together what will end up being a five slide, 10 minute presentation – because I’m going to continue leaving at 1700 on the nose, finished or not. I simply do not have the time, energy, or inclination to waste covering the same ground three or four times each day.

Thank you for your attention.

Very respectfully,

Jeff

Starbucks… How could you?

The AP reported today that Starbucks has launched a line of instant coffee. Instant coffee? Starbucks? WTF? You guys spent the last twenty years convincing all of us to spend the better part of $5 on a cup of coffee… and now you want to turn my caffeine addled thoughts to the type of “coffee” my grandmother kept in the back of a cabinet to fix when guests not civilized enough to drink tea came to visit? I know your fancy TV ads are going to tell me that it’s OK because the Europeans do it, but you know what? It’s not OK, Starbucks. Coffee should be brewed! It’s not that I’m against gaining efficiencies… I mean, that’s sort of what I do, but some things are sacrosanct. So what I’m going to need you to do is keep brewing real coffee. While you’re doing that, I’ll stay busy doing the things I’m good at and when the time comes, I will exchange American dollars for fresh brewed coffee… and if I want a cup of instant, I’ll reach to the back of the cabinet and pull out the 10 year old jar of Folgers.

People… People that need people…

I can’t help myself. When someone sends me a website like peopleofwalmart.com, I simply have to look… at all 45 pages. Some of the pictures were funny, some were stupid, and some were simply disgusting. The thing that really caught my attention, though, was the section where you can read the hate mail the site receives. Seriously, some of that stuff was better than the actual pictures. I guess people who complain about websites are the same type who complain about what’s on television. Sure, I don’t deny your right to complain at all… but wouldn’t just surfing on over to a different site be a better use of you time. I’m just sayin.

Silent but deadly…

The good news: Electric cars are going to save the universe, polar bears, and oil. The bad news: Electric cars are sneaking up on poor, defenseless people in parking lots and violently attacking them… At least according to the article in this morning’s Washington Post. That’s right! Electric cars are about to be deemed too quiet by the National Highway Safety Board and now pose a clear and present danger to unsuspecting pedestrians, cyclists, and that drunk guy on “World’s Dumbest” who drives his lawn tractor on the interstate. Thankfully, it seems our ever-industrious car industry is working on deciding what kind of sound these new cars should make. Leading contenders seem to be some kind of chime, or a little tune, or maybe even that whirring sound the Jetsons’ car made. Yeah, that would sound sweet on the Beltway during rush hour.

I suppose it’s too much to hope that people will just learn to actually look both ways before walking out into the street. Seems like we’re intent on spending a billion dollars to solve a $.75 problem. The capacity of people to be stupid never ceases to amaze me.

You can find the inspiration for this rant here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/22/AR2009092204290.html

As a general rule...

I tend to think of field trips as something school kids take to places like New York or DC. Perhaps it's something a archeologist does or a anthropologist even. As a general rule, I think it's probably a bad idea for field trips to be something that the criminally insane/ murderers of society have the chance to do. Surely the simple solution of homicide = no field trip for you is something we can all agree on, no?

With that being said, it's worth pausing for a moment to ponder that someone in a position of authority actually had to think that taking a murderous sociopath to the state fair was a good idea. Seriously? How did this not turn up in someone's "request denied" file? And in the event that you did decide it was a good idea, a rule of thumb might have been "for god's sake, whatever happens, don't lose track of the dangerous psychotic while you're waiting for your cotton candy or deep friend Snickers bar." I don't know, maybe it's all just too much to ask. I mean with all the flashing lights and bells, it's easy for someone to let the institutionalized murderer slip their mind for a few minutes.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they caught the guy, but really, why should anyone need to be looking for him in the first place?

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Morning…

There’s something about the early hours of the morning that I’ve rather come to enjoy. It’s the steam coming from the just-poured cup of coffee, or the steadily lightening of the sky, or even the lack of traffic noise. It’s being flanked by two dogs who are happy to do nothing more than hang out at your side. And it’s the as yet untainted promise of the day ahead. Then you leave the house and realize you’re still surrounded by morons… So, I’m going to enjoy this moment while it’s here.

“It’s not a tumor..." (said in the style of Arnold Schwarzenegger)

Well friends, now that we have government run banks, government run car makers, and are dangling on the brink of government run health care, the next logical step for the United States Senate is to determine if cell phones cause cancer. Wait… Maybe this is one of the Sesame Street tests where one of the things is not like the others. But seriously, the venerable Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee is promising to “probe deeply” at the bottom of the issue. Are you serious Senator Harkin? The nation is in the midst of two wars, the economy is a shadow of its former self, the treasury is beyond bankrupt, and you want to turn loose the investigative weight of the United States Senate to find out of my iPhone is going to give me a tumor?

Here’s the list of things now “known” to cause cancer: cetaldehyde, acrylamide, acrylonitril, abortion, agent orange, alar, alcohol, air pollution, aldrin, alfatoxin, arsenic, arsine, asbestos, asphalt fumes, atrazine, AZT, baby food, barbequed meat, benzene, benzidine, benzopyrene, beryllium, beta-carotene, betel nuts, birth control pills, bottled water, bracken, bread, breasts, brooms, bus stations, calcium channel blockers, cadmium, candles, captan, carbon black, carbon tetrachloride, careers for women, casual sex, car fumes, celery, charred foods, cooked foods, chewing gum, Chinese food, Chinese herbal supplements, chips, chloramphenicol, chlordane, chlorinated camphene, chlorinated water, chlorodiphenyl, chloroform, cholesterol, low cholesterol, chromium, coal tar, coffee, coke ovens, crackers, creosote, cyclamates, dairy products, deodorants, depleted uranium, depression, dichloryacetylene, DDT, dieldrin, diesel exhaust, diet soda, dimethyl sulphate, dinitrotouluene, dioxin, dioxane, epichlorhydrin, ethyle acrilate, ethylene, ethilene dibromide, ethnic beliefs,ethylene dichloride, Ex-Lax, fat, fluoridation, flying, formaldehyde, free radicals, french fries, fruit, gasoline, genes, gingerbread, global warming, gluteraldehyde, granite, grilled meat, Gulf war, hair dyes, hamburgers, heliobacter pylori, hepatitis B virus, hexachlorbutadiene, hexachlorethane, high bone mass, hot tea, HPMA, HRT, hydrazine, hydrogen peroxide, incense, infertility, jewellery, Kepone, kissing, lack of exercise, laxatives, lead, left handedness, Lindane, Listerine, low fibre diet, magnetic fields, malonaldehyde, mammograms, manganese, marijuana, methyl bromide, methylene chloride, menopause, microwave ovens, milk hormones, mixed spices, mobile phones, MTBE, nickel, night lighting, night shifts, nitrates, not breast feeding, not having a twin, nuclear power plants, Nutrasweet, obesity, oestrogen, olestra, olive oil, orange juice, oxygenated gasoline, oyster sauce, ozone, ozone depletion, passive smoking, PCBs, peanuts, pesticides, pet birds, plastic IV bags, polio vaccine, potato crisps (chips), power lines, proteins, Prozac, PVC, radio masts, radon, railway sleepers, red meat, Roundup, saccharin, salt, sausage, selenium, semiconductor plants, shellfish, sick buildings, soy sauce, stress, strontium, styrene, sulphuric acid, sun beds, sunlight, sunscreen, talc, tetrachloroethylene, testosterone, tight bras, toast, toasters, tobacco, tooth fillings, toothpaste (with fluoride or bleach), train stations, trichloroethylene, under-arm shaving, unvented stoves, uranium, UV radiation, vegetables, vinyl bromide, vinyl chloride, vinyl fluoride, vinyl toys, vitamins, vitreous fibres, wallpaper, weedkiller (2-4 D), welding fumes, well water, weight gain, winter, wood dust, work, x-rays (thank you, http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/cancer%20list.htm).

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, Senator, but the fact is that from the time sperm meets egg, our bodies are already conspiring against us. Cells divide, mistakes are made, and those mistakes themselves are replicated. One of the only common threads among all people throughout time is that we all die. The endgame is the same for all of us; rich, poor, healthy, or unhealthy. It’s not that I’m taking cancer lightly or trying to make a joke at the suffering the disease causes. I am, however, making a joke at the expense of the Senate. Surely with these steady hands upon the rudder of the ship of state, what could possibly go wrong?

God help us.

Things not to do…

I’m going to have to go on the record here and add “Shouting and waiving my finger at the President of the United States during a joint session of Congress” to my list of things do avoid doing to embarrass myself in public. Seriously, you have to wonder at what point a United States Congressman decided that that was going to be a good move for his career. Right, wrong, or indifferent, that was a classless move and the guy deserves every nasty think that’s been said about him all day. Is it any wonder the Republican Party has a hard time selling itself to moderates when this tool is their news story for the week?

Insurance-Salesman-in-Chief

The Senate has accepted that a public healthcare option is unreachable. Polling has increasingly shown that it’s not popular among the majority of respondents. And a president is at risk of demolishing his entire term and burying the possibility of reelection for daring to press on against the rising tide of opposition. Some of my friends on the extreme left would call that heroic. I call it just plain dumb. Politics, they say, is the art of the possible. It’s about constantly seeking out a coalition of 50% of the population plus one person. It’s a simple matter of math and right now, Mr. President, you don’t have the votes. You don’t have the popular support. And you don’t have the political good-will left to twist arms in Congress.

With that said, the president does have an opportunity, here. He has the opportunity to get the 70 or 80% solution. He has the opportunity to do what really great politicians have made their careers doing – Compromise. Insisting that reform must be all one thing or all the other is a sure recipe for failure. Follow the example of Speaker O’Neill and President Reagan on taxes in the early 80s. If the study of politics teaches us anything it’s that nothing good lies down the road of absolutism. Right now, both parties have the ability to walk away with something approximating a win. Wait too long and the moment passes… And then a pox on both your houses.

Another reason why they think we’re all crazy…

OK, the duly elected and sworn President of the United States wants to give a short speech to students about the value of education and hard work; controversial topics, to be sure. I’m not sure I’m feeling the outrage, though. Whether you love him, hate him, or are totally indifferent towards him, the guy is the president. I don’t see the impending harm of allowing students to watch and listen to the leader of the free world talking about issues that will impact them. Has the fabric of our civic discourse become so brittle that even hearing a view that differs from our own risks destroying our individual political beliefs? Are we so incapable of building a rational argument to support our point of view that the highest form of argument we’re capable of is throwing a five-year old’s tantrum and whining, “I’m not listening?”

For those who are keeping their kids at home that day, think about the message you are sending to your children. You’re saying that your own views are so weakly held that they won’t stand up to scrutiny or discussion. You’re saying that it’s better to tune out altogether than to engage in the discussion at all. If you truly believe that a 30-minute speech by a politician will undo the 16 or 17 years of influence you have had on your kids, then honestly, I feel bad for you. Living with that kind of insecurity must be tough. If you want to do right by your kids, encourage them to join the fray, to discuss, to develop and refine their own opinions, to ask the hard questions and seek the difficult truths. If you’re afraid of doing that, then lord, I don’t even want to know you.

It’s all about the numbers…

I’m all for people showing initiative during these economically challenging times. However, taping an “official” looking offer to paint my house number on the curb to the mailbox may have not been your most savvy business decision (Although it’s hard not to take you too seriously when you lead off your title with extra exclamation points!!!!! That way I know what you’re selling must be really, really important). I particularly like the effort you took to let me know how crucial these numbers were when one of the emergency services was looking for my house. Trying to edge nervous people towards paying you the $20 “fee” was definitely a smart move. Of course recommending that I just leave $20 taped to my front door was a pure stroke of genius. And it was nice knowing that you offered a discount if I ordered “multiples.” I can only assume that means if I wanted you to paint multiple numbers on my curb… in front of this one house. The head of your marketing department must have a MBA. I can usually tell, you know.

Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to take advantage of your service at this time. Best of luck with the curb painting, or hubcap stealing, or whatever it is you happen to be doing tomorrow. In fact, I should probably leave you a tip for your efforts. After tomorrow afternoon, I’ll know which of my neighbors are truly dumb as stumps. I guess I’ll just consider that an extra perk of your service.

Stealing the interwebs...

It probably says something about me as a human being that I didn't have many issues with the Patriot Act, but the prospect of the government being able to seize control of "critical" networks during what remains an Ill-defined future "cyber-emergency" makes me nervous beyond belief. One of the first steps in any well-developed plan is to take control of or destroy enemy lines of communication. In the olden days that meant a would-be revolutionary needed to control the airwaves either by blocking transmissions, occupying the local TV and radio stations, or simply destroying them. In the 21st century, controlling communications basically means taking down the Internet and cellular capability.

Ponder it for a moment; no email, no cell phone, no VOIP, no SMS, no Blogger or Facebook. Now, how do you communicate beyond the people who happen to live next door? Yeah, I'm scratching my head on that one too. Now take into account the other everyday things you do online - like banking, ordering prescription refills from the pharmacy warehouse somewhere in Iowa, or looking at porn. How do you do those things in a world after a declared cyber-emergency?

Are you worried yet? You should be. Take away the Internet and all the other elements covered under the proposed cyber security bill and we're basically only seperated from 1957 by the lack of tailfins and chrome. In a world built on the rapid transfer of data from one place to another, steal the Internet and you're well on your way to launching your own revolution... Or at least keeping the masses uninformed until you've gone too far for them to do anything about it.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

You know what causes that, right?

I’ve been trolling around the internet for the last few minutes and was struck by an article stating that the global population will reach 7 billion in about two years. That’s seven billion, with a “B.” It seems to me that the general consensus is that, really, the planet was basically full two or so billion people ago. If you really want to do something to save the planet, slow down with the procreating. Seriously, you know what causes that, right? I’m looking at you here third world. Yeah. I’m telling you to lay off the scrumping until you have the infrastructure and food to manage more people wandering around your countries looking for work or food or magic beans or whatever it is people look for in your country.

And just in case you think this is only going to be a rant about the poor developing nations, let me put my right wing friends on notice too: I’m not letting you off the hook for this. If you want foreign aid that might help some of these countries that are being overwhelmed by poverty and disease and generally being the ones most responsible for adding to the world’s population, tell your member of Congress that you’re in favor of packing up a few pallets of condoms and sending them overseas. In terms that we understand best, the bottom line is that there are a finite number of resources to go around. The more people there are on the planet, the smaller the sliver of the pie will be for all of us… So lets do our patriotic duty and get on board with some social engineering!

Come on, surely I’m not the only one out of slightly less than 7 billion who thinks exponentially larger populations are a bad idea.

Side effects...

Let's pause for a moment and forget that this weekend I spent more money for five days worth of doggy antibiotics than I spend on a months worth of the drug that keep my stomach from exploding... Let's also pretend that I know nothing about medicine (less of a stretch there) and for purposes of argument, we will assume that i have the mental capacity of an over-ripe eggplant. Now, I was reading the little print out that came with the antibiotics... Which is strange, as I don't even read that crap about the medicines that I actually take myself. The very first side effect was "may cause diarrah"... Which gave me horrible flashbacks to earlier this spring when the steam cleaner came to live in my garge. That isn't an unusual side effect of course. However, the last side effect listed was "may cause constipation." OK, now you've got my attention... The all night vet has given me a miracle drug that either causes explosive pooping or no pooping at all. Isn't that something that a fancy big city doctor could maybe narrow down a bit? Look, I understand all drugs have side effects, but in this case could we at least come to a consensus on whether it's going to stop things up or blow them wide open? It's just nice to know what enemy you're going to be up against for the next few days, that's all.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, at the end of 24 hours, the answer is neither. Go figure.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Simple...

I've never been one to subscribe to the "simple man with simple dreams" nonsense. I've lived with myself long enough to know better than that. Life is too complex to be distilled down to something as simple as a white picket fence... Or in my case a Berlin-esq wall patrolled by Blackwater. It's got to be more complicated than that, right? It's not that I object to simple, though... Just that if it's so simple a caveman can do it I've never seen the point in wasting time with it.

At the moment, though, I'm starting to think that simple is what I need for a while. My thoughts turn to hopping a flight to somewhere with sandy beaches and a rum economy. Or better yet, to morning espresso on a Florentine piazza. In any case, there's something appealing about just picking up and going. All the old classic signs are there that it's time to take a break... Now it's just a question of finding the time to make that happen. Looking at the calendar between now and the end of the year is not hartening. Knowing what I need is simple as pulling out a map and throwing a dart... Trying to figure out how to get there, now that's hard.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Connected...

Time was when I wanted to be connected to everything. I mainlined cable news, devoured newspapers and magazines with a passion, and lived and died by the coverage strength of my BlackBerry. At the moment, all I want is to take a few days and manage to get disconnected. Even the iPhone is a bit odious at the moment. Of course now I’ve been jacked in to the grid for so long I don’t know that I’d even know what to do if I did manage to cut loose from it… Although I suspect it would involve some kind of convulsions or perhaps the development of a nervous twitch.

Fact is that I’m mentally worn out from unreasonable expectations from above and disappointing performance from other quarters and from too many factors that are well beyond my ability to control or account for. I know I’m not performing as well as I should be… Certainly not as well as others expect of me and far, far short of what I expect from myself. I’ve always believed in fighting the battles I could win and leaving the others for another day, but lately there have been far too many losing propositions; fights that could have been won if I would have been able to turn my attention towards them in time.

It’s a situation that is simply unsustainable and the solution isn’t to disconnect. I know that. The answer can’t be to throw up my hands and declare it all too hard to do. The only answer I know is to get it all back in focus and then to press forward. The “how to” on that is a little fuzzy at the moment… Rest assured that I’m working hard to figure it out. To be sure, it’s not going to involve disconnecting. For all the aggravation of being tied-in all the time, the thought of not being connected is that is quite simply more terrible than I can bear.

Get Un-American...

I promised myself that I was going to keep my peace on the healthcare debate; that I wouldn’t wade in and simply watch as the accusations and counteraccusations played out… and I’ve managed to keep it shut for a week, which may be a personal best record for me. The fact is that I’m not even sure if I need to be weighing in on this. Anyone who has checked in with any regularity knows where I’m going to fall on the subject. The issue that I’m most impassioned by isn’t the proposed healthcare plan at all, but rather that those who feel passionately about it and who speak out are labeled “un-American” by a Speaker of the House of Representatives.

There are crackpots everywhere. They control the far left of the Democratic party and the far right of the Republican party. They are everything from socialists to religio-fascists. But they have no less right to be heard than those of the silent majority who have remained relatively docile and have avoided staking out a position on either end of the political spectrum. The fact is, I think most of the country finds itself somewhere in the middle and tends to get embarrassed when the extremists on either side get too loud or gain to much press attention. Lord knows, I’m a proud conservative (at least on fiscal issues), but I cringe every time James Dobson or Dr. Laura show up with a microphone in front of their face. It infuriates me that they are the popular image of the American conservative, but I digress.

I like that the House website has nearly buckled under the strain of traffic that this debate has driven to it. I like that members of Congress on both sides of the aisle are taking their elected representatives to tasks on both side of the aisle. I like that the administration has been struggling mightily to regain control of the message and make its points. It’s all together right and proper that all sides make their points and that this storm blow long and hard across the land. It’s the very lifeblood of America and gives me the vaguest sense of hope that the country has not become too passive to take on the hard issues.

So yes, friends, we owe it to ourselves to do what is hard. Read the bills that are before Congress and tell your elected representative what you think, not what the talking heads on CNN of Fox tell you. Do your homework and get informed. And if that means I'm un-American, I guess I'll be ok with that.

My name is Jeffrey D. Tharp and I approved this message.

Aftermath...

I dearly love seeing my old friends. Despite the wonders of the electronic age, we all still pretty much suck at keeping in touch with one another. And nothing is quite the same as being together one more time and for a brief moment and putting aside our professional decorum, the responsibility of hearth and home, and for a while just being the guys again. No matter what anyone says, farts are still funny and there is something priceless in spending time with people who know all your mistakes and still put up with you.

Of course tere is also the aftermath of recapturing lost youth... when your body and brain remind you that despite your best efforts you're not 17 any more... And there's a reason you don't stay out till 3 in the morning now. My gait was definitely a little slower this morning and I could have probably gone to bed right after dinner, but all things considered, I wouldn't have missed this weekend for the world. Thanks guys!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Counting...

Counting Crows is one of those bands that takes me back to a very specific time and place in life. They laid down the soundtrack to most of my college days and some of my best memories revolve around listening to their CDs or listening to someone pick out their tunes on their guitar. Finally getting the chance to see them in person tonight was a real thrill for me. As much as I don't want to sound like a teenaged girl, all I can say is that it was a seriously moving experience.

Tonight's show was basically a two and a half hour jam session with Augustana. There were no real sets to speak of and band members sat in on each others songs throughout the night. Really a tour de force performance with a lead singer who was very obviously in pain from a knee injury, but kept coming back for more even when he needed help getting off the stage. I'm just incredibly impressed and excited to have been there for the show. So, this summers tour is highly recommended and I'd definitely pony up the money if I had the chance to see them again.

It's been a great day and an even better night. I'm going to bed with a grin on my face and some truly fantastic memories.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Bubba...

I always thought it would be a cold day in hell before I’d find myself taking my hat off to former president Clinton. I’ve grudgingly admitted in the past that he was probably a once in a generation mind and arguably had more raw political skill than any president of the 20th century. But seriously, pulling off a trip to North Korea, launching a full fledged comeback as America’s senior statesman, and all while his wife is Secretary of State is something I would have never imagined within the realm of possibility. He really is masterful that way.

In the warm glow of almost a decade’s distance, I have to admit that I’ve come to like Bill more than I ever did while he was in office. Perhaps that has something to do with him no longer being able to foist wild-ass policies on the populace while at the same time still being fun to watch. Oh, I still think a president ought to have more respect for the institution and the office than his decision-making allowed, but I have to admit that Bubba had a good day today… Although in fairness, I would have rather seen him bitch slap Kim Jong-Il just so the little troll knows America’s pimp hand is still strong.

The hazards of blogging...

Keeping a personal blog is like walking a razor between sharing enough to keep things interesting and holding enough back to keep some semblance of privacy. At the moment, there are a number of things I want to write down as well as many that I have scribbled notes for already. Unfortunately, most of those fall into the category of things that I will never be brave or foolish enough to publish. So that leaves me alone with my neatly typed out thoughts and a blank space where my next blog should be. Of course there is something delightfully tempting about flooding the interwebs with post after post and laying bare the mental gymnastics I go through when deciding what to post and what will not see the light of day. But, at heart I remain an intensely private person whose best course for years has been in keeping his own counsel. So again tonight, I will sign off with the simple promise that there are better posts to come... Assuming, that is, I can get myself unmuddled and back down to business.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

JAX...

Usually my best gripes and complaints come from the road. At the moment, that well is pretty dry. We spent most of today going over paper work and doing some preliminary reading for tomorrow. We have an early start tomorrow at 6:45, though, so that could be something getting lined up. TDY isn't about getting up early, or rather it shouldn't be. So yeah, tomorrow looks to be the marathon day of this trip. If we can wrap it up by having more answers that questions, I'll consider the day a success. Then it's back to Memphis for the next round and to start getting the heavy duty report put together. Should be fun.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

100 and counting...

Well, friends, we’ve reached 100 posts here on Blogger. I’ve been struggling with what topic to hit on this evening. Usually I try to keep the focus on current events or just randomness that has caused aggravation or consternation during the day. At the moment, however, the news is full of things that are cause for annoyance… and I’m too tired of reading and hearing about most of it to throw my two cents into the ether. As for the general grievances, I’ve been airing most of them in status messages this week, so there’s no need to cover that ground twice.

Starting tomorrow afternoon, I’ll be headed back in the general direction of Memphis (with an overnight in Maryland). I always look forward to these trips back to the mid-Atlantic, but on the tail end of this one, I’m ready to get back into the routine. These people have been quite simply exhausting. I’ve managed to spend some quality time with the family and meet up with a few old friends while I was here. Hopefully I can count on a repeat and then some if my schedule holds and I’m back in October for a few weeks. Not sure if I’ll be posting between the time I leave and when I get back to West Tennessee, but when stupid happens, you’ll read it first here.

P.S. I’m watching “The First 48” (not in Memphis this week) and they are interrogating a suspect named “Royal Cola.” Can someone tell me WTF parents are thinking when they do that? I can only hope that his middle name isn’t “Crown,” but it seems more likely than not.

Apollo...

Forty years on, the Apollo Program is no less fantastic than it was on this date in 1969, perhaps it is made more so because it has never been replicated. We’ve spent the better part of the last 35 years frittering away the wonder and fire of those heady days of early space travel, when astronauts were hailed as American heroes rather than thought of as managers of an orbiting science fair.

There are those who, in the coming months and years, will say that the cost and dangers of human spaceflight are too high; that there are good works that need doing here on earth or that leading an effort to send man into space is a frivolous exercise with no practical outcomes. Those were the arguments too when Europeans set out to discover new trade routes to the Indies. The same arguments could have just as easily been made when the precursors of human life crawled out of the primordial ooze… It was warm, cozy, safe, and familiar. Staying put would have been the easy alternative. But that’s not what we did as a culture. History is the uninterrupted upward ark of human progress. We crawled out of the ooze, we crossed the ocean, and we went to the moon because those were the next logical steps in the evolution of civilization. And the step after that is to once again send the sons and daughters of the planet earth out into space to explore Mars and eventually beyond.

I hope above all else that my generation has the fortitude of our fathers and grandfathers to carry through the tragedies and triumphs and carry our flag back to the moon and to worlds beyond. Today we celebrate the 40th anniversary of Apollo XI, turn our eyes skyward, and wonder.

And that’s the way it was…

America has lost a national treasure tonight. He retired when I was only four and the only time I ever had the opportunity to watch Walter Cronkite broadcast live was during the launch of the shuttle Discovery carrying John Glenn back to space in 1998. Even in his late 80s, it was obvious that this man was simply a force of nature, commanding attention even from those journalists working with him that afternoon. He defined the television news very nearly since its inception and what is means to be a class act and to deliver the news even-handedly and without bias. If you’ve never seen clips of him on the anchor desk, do yourself a big favor and watch the video of him broadcasting JFK’s assassination or the moon launch or from the bombed out streets of Viet Nam. Once upon a time, that’s the way it was and sadly will never be again.

In a world where the news cycle is brought to a grinding halt by the death of an aging pop star, I can only hope that we will pause to remember the man that literally defined what television news is all about.

Getting what you ask for...

The trouble with asking for all the training that you are technically supposed to have is that when the stars align just right, you're actually approved for all of it. The issue there being that then you're going to be expected to go sit through all of it.

So now it's looking like I get to spend a week of quality time in Huntsville, Alabama in September and four weeks back here at beautiful Ft. Belvoir in October. I suppose that means my fall is pretty well planned out for me, with August being the only month in the foreseeable future that doesn't have me wandering off across the eastern part of the country for one reason or another. It's probably not a good sign when bars and restaurants in cities where you don't live start knowing what you're going to order. Or when you are able to pick favorite exits on the interstate because the gas station there has the best snack selection and coffee that you like.

So that's your cautionary tale for the evening... Be careful what you ask for, kiddies.

[Published via iPhone]

Like in the movies...

In the movies, the Army is a well regulated organization, where people follow orders... Or maybe that's just in the John Wayne movies that I grew up watching. Whatever the case, when I came to work for them, I anticipated that the headquarters would issue orders and the subordinates would carry them out. The reality is more like the headquarters making a suggestion and then frets, argues, and finally pleads for someone to do almost anything.

As hard as it is to believe, I'm not sitting around dreaming up ways to make people's lives more difficult. I am, however, trying to come up with ideas that over the long term will make the organization more efficient and that will actually help people do their work smarter. There again is another assumption... That people have come to work to, you know, actually work. It's possible that I've been misled there as well.

For the record, "because we've been doing it like that since 1974" isn't a good enough reason to keep doing something. Seriously, it's time for you ride off into the sunset and leave management to those who have had an original thought in the last quarter century.

[Published via iPhone]

A modest proposal… or A rant for a friend…

Based on my own unscientific observation, I am concerned that be running against those of us who can put together a coherent thought and express it in one or more complete sentences? It is my conclusion that one of the pitfalls of modernity is that we have prevented Darwin from exacting his pound of flesh from those who are ill equipped for life in a technologically advanced world. To remedy this problem, I modestly proposed the following:

Effective immediately all warning labels will be removed from household appliances, clothing, and any other item that is currently listed on the master stock record of Wal-Mart headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas. Directions on proper usage of these items will continue to be included inside the box or printed on the packaging/tag as appropriate for the item. Hazard data sheets and warnings will be made available by request via the internet in downloadable/printable pdf format accessible either from home or at any public library in the United States for any and all who request them. Person or persons who are killed, maimed, wounded, or otherwise harmed by these products while using them in contravention of the accompanying directions will automatically forfeit their right to seek compensation from Wal-Mart, the government of the nation, state, county or local government of jurisdiction, the product manufacturer, or any other person or entity. Thereby, each consumer has the burden of educating themselves on the proper use and potential hazards of using any product in their possession. Warnings such as “do not operate heavy equipment” while taking particularly sleep-inducing drugs will continue to appear on labels as before. The objective is for the morons to show themselves and suffer the consequences, not have them start tying up the highways and byways of the country because no one told them not to start their breakfast off with a double shot of codeine and orange juice. If we’re lucky, many will try to get a jump on blow-drying their hair while in the tub, but if the majority are only maimed or disfigured, at least that would give the rest of us the opportunity to see them, establish a perimeter, and hold them at a minimum safe distance.

Cold? Possibly. Extreme? Probably. But essentially, my simple request is that we allow Mr. Darwin to get back to the business at hand and start thinning the herd. If we fail to act swiftly and decisively, I fear the tide will unyieldingly turn against us and the great sweep of human history will shortly begin its long march back towards the primordial ooze. And really, what better way to let humanity be served than to allow individuals to self-select their fate?

Guiding light…

The Declaration of Independence, unique in the holy trinity of the founding documents, is not a “how to” manual for governance. While the Constitution defines the scope of government and the Bill of Rights refines it, the Declaration is an altogether different thing. It is a statement of ideals written before the notion of liberty in America was a given and before there was a question of what that liberty would mean to those who lived in the outposts of empire.

One of the most frustrating aspects of teaching the Declaration, or of listening to pundits discuss its meaning on television, is that it is so often misinterpreted. If you study the Declaration, literally read the text, you discover that there are no guarantees made, no specially protected groups identified, or really any discussion of anything other than opportunity; the opportunity for the 13 united States to lay down their list of grievances and reasons for war against Crown and parliament and the opportunity of the people to better their lives and secure their liberty. The natural rights of the Declaration in no way guarantee that we will all live happily, but that we will have the opportunity to pursue happiness. The founders well understood that no state was perfectly free to pursue its own course any more than an individual is perfectly free to flail is arms wildly in a crowded room. Perfect freedom of the individual and the state is constrained at the point where the rights and freedoms of other individuals begin.

The Declaration reminds us all that neither government nor individuals is empowered to deliver us safely to the other shore. Each of us is free to set our own course, to pursue our own happiness where we find it. If you believe you deserve more from life, work for it… don’t blame others for preventing you from reaching your objective. We are responsible for our own destinies and when we fail to strive for what we want, or seek out the next opportunity, then shame on us, because we tarnish the idealism that is our birthright.

On this, 233rd anniversary of Independence, I remain an unabashed and unapologetic patriot. I believe the United States has been and continues to be the last, best hope of earth and that there is nothing more fine in this world or the next than simply being an American.

Psyched…

Back in the day, I was fortunate to run with a crew of four other guys who I had the pleasure of considering my personal band of brothers. We were together for thick and thin and for everything in between. Time, being the bitch that she is, does what she does and as the years ground on to the better part of a decade, we didn’t do as good a job at keeping up with each other as we probably should have. Sure, we passed the occasional email and the even more rare phone call, but other interests and commitments intervened and “the Guys” became something we could only speak of in the past tense.

Happily, I’ve been able to confirm today that three of the Guys will be getting together here in Memphis this August for the first time in probably five years. In fact, this is probably the largest reunion of the group that we’re likely to ever see, due to circumstances largely beyond the control of any one individual. It’s all the more special because it’s we three kids from the crick who really formed the original core of the group.

I’ve forgotten who said it originally, but I’m reminded of I heard as a freshman at Frostburg that said something to the effect of “Any time three guys get together, they’re joined by a fourth guy… and that guys name is ‘stupid.’” I’d say everyone can rest assured that sometime during this trip, “Stupid” will make an appearance.

So, there it is. The first weekend in August, I’ll have two of my oldest and dearest friends in town. Toss in the Counting Crows (who were my soundtrack for most of the mid-90s) concert that they’ve graciously agreed to attend while they’re in town and Jeff is one very, very happy guy. Is it still OK to say psyched? Yeah, psyched totally covers it.

Dear AT&T Mobility...

Dear AT&T Mobility,

Your 3G network blows enormous hairy monkey balls. If you would like to contest this statement, please advise why 6 calls made over a span of 10 minutes this evening dropped and why it took several attempts at each call before being able to reach the party to whom the call was being placed.

I do understand that it's the nature of cellular communications to be interrupted from time to time, but a drop each and every time I have made a call lasting longer than five minutes over the past week and a half seems a touch excessive.

When I signed our contract, I was under the impression that in exchange for my monthly payment, I would be provided with service that included actually making telephone calls. If I missed part of the contract that covers that or if I need to sign some additional paperwork to use my delicious new iPhone as, you know, an actual phone, please let me know at your earliest possible convenience.

Very truly yours,

Jeff

[Published via iPhone]

Fast forward...

The week that I expected to drag by has been basically stuck in fast forward for three days with no sign of letting up as it moves into the stretch. The daily annoyances are getting under my skin far more than usual and I'm finding it nearly impossible to hold back on the snarky comments... Not that it's ever been one of my strong points.

It's probably a bit past time for a quick reset. I can't tell you how pleased I am to be spending the upcoming weekend with good company... And with probably more than a few strong drinks. I'm going to do my level best to take three solid days, tune out the office, and try to get my brain in the moment instead of thinking about milestone charts and project plans. Wish me luck.

[Published via iPhone]

Upgrade update...

I was unimaginably relieved to find that when I got to the Apple Store at 6:15 this morning, there were already about 40 people in line… and that fortunately they were in the “walk up” line rather than the line for those who had pre-ordered their tasty new iPhone 3G S. Why someone wouldn’t have just gone online and done the pre-order thing is another question altogether. The sales and activation process worked flawlessly (after the two previous iPhone launch efforts approached the status of epic failures).

I won’t try to do a comprehensive review at this point, but suffice to say that if you are on the fence, go ahead and do the deal. It’s much, much snappier than my year old 3G and even with the added speed, it has seemed to be a touch easier on the battery in what I would describe as heavy use. I’ve already covered some of the basic updates like copy and paste (finally) as well as some of the features that are still lacking, such as support for MMS (boo AT&T) so I won’t cover that ground again this afternoon.

What I’m really looking forward to is the new apps that I’m sure are being developed to take advantage of the new capabilities… seriously upgraded graphics, real-time turn by turn navigation, and a metric crapload of storage. Toss in video capture and voice control that I’m just now getting around to testing out and I’m predicting a winner for Apple. There are a lot of commentators out there saying that it’s an evolutionary phone rather than a revolutionary one. I’m OK with that if only because they got so much right in this model.

It’s a beautiful (if insanely hot) day, I’ve got a fantastic new toy, and I’ll be enjoying a tasty beverage at the Flying Saucer in just a few hours… It has been a good, good day all the way around.

Version 3.0...

I've had a few hours tonight to digest the latest iPhone OS upgrade from the fine people at Apple and have to say that it's almost turned my year old iPhone into a new machine. It's much more responsive to input and seems to be loading apps slightly faster. Like almost every other smartphone on the market it now supports copy/cut and paste and voice recognition (hello 2003). There's also a snazzy little search function that seems to be very well integrated with all aspects of the device.

The overall feel is still the same. Same basic inputs, gestures, etc, but for those not ready to pony up the extra $200 plus for a mid-contract upgrade, 3.0 might very well be the thing to tide you over until your next upgrade.

Of course no review of the iPhone is complete without the obligatory bashing of AT&T, so here it goes... AT&T sucks. They have screwed the pooch on upgrading their G3 network capacity and as a result punked out on teathering and friggin picture messaging for iPhone until "later this summer." it's 2009... In the name of all that is good and holy, spend a few dollars from your overpriced data plans and hook yourselves up with a little extra bandwidth so I can send a friggin picture in a friggin text message.

With that said, if you haven't upgraded to 3.0, go, go do it now. Tonight. For the slightly more obsessed among us, I'll see y'all in line on Friday morning.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Reserve price met...

Let me start by saying that the original device specs aren’t any better now than they were a few days ago when I first read them… but after having three days to do the research and to come to the realization that the inner techie in me wasn’t going to be satisfied until I once again had the latest and greatest model hanging on my belt, I’ve bitten the bullet and pre-ordered the new iPhone 3G S. In theory that should mean that I can walk into the store at 8:00 next Friday morning and come home with a shiny new bauble sure to quench my thirst for new toys for a few months. With a marginal discount for being a touch less than a year into my contract with AT&T, the total will be somewhere north of $399.99 once taxes are added on, but really, can you put a price on having that childhood Christmas morning feeling and knowing that you’re going to get exactly what you want… except MMS and tethering, of course.

Right here, right now...

It's not being heavily covered here in the States yet, but there's something unusual going on in Iran this week... In the closing days of it's presidential election, their crazy-assed dictator is actually running neck and neck with the opposition candidate. And that's something that would have been unthinkable just a few weeks ago.

Half of the voters in Iran are under thirty and they, along with many academics and the rising middle class, have taken to the streets in protest against what they see as the corrupt and fanatical tyranny of their leader. I'm trying hard to put the grainy film of similar demonstrations 30 years ago out of my mind and remember that the world has changed alot since 1979.

I'm no optimist, but maybe, just maybe these young reformers will have enough juice to pull their country back from the brink. While this isn't exactly the spirit of '76, we could be seeing the birth pangs of a real democracy movement in one of the most dangerous parts of the world... Or, if it's not nurtured, we could watch the movement die before it draws it's first full breath.

I believe democracy in one form or another is the destiny of all people. It's marked the long upward struggle through tyrants and kings of the civilized world. It was wrenched by petty dictators, holocausts, and long centuries of bloody wars, both civil and otherwise... And it's not an inevitable destiny.

Hopefully, I turn my eyes to those brave men and women of Iran who are even now risking all simply by telling their government "this far and no further." The tide of history is with you as are the greatest hopes of those in our great country who would call you friends.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Morning person...

I've never really thought of myself as a morning person. Growing up, I wanted to stay up half the night, even if the only thing going on was reading a good book. I worked overnights most of my way through college. And I have to admit that I liked it in part because there were way fewer idiots awake to bother me... And even fewer after 3AM when most of the drunks had made it home for the night.

Of course that all changed when I started working for Uncle. The commute from Howard County to DC is a demanding mistress. It was just easier to get up at 4:15 and be on the road by 5 than it was dealing with the traffic of I left any later. The early start time demands an early bed time. And that all made sense at the time.

Now here I am in West Tennessee where my morning commute is a predictable 35 minutes from garage to cubicle, but the pattern persists. I still don't particularly like mornings but seem to have trained myself into being a morning person. I'm told that people actually go out and do things on weekday evenings in the summer, but I wouldn't know because by 8 it's a struggle not to fall asleep on the couch. I'll be eligible to retire in 2033... Maybe I'll be a nightowl again.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Innovate this *makes rude gesture*…

One of the hardest things about being married to the work is that from time to time you have to face the fact that some project you’ve been working on for a long time just flat out sucks… that it needs to be scrapped… and that you need to take it in a completely different direction. It’s even harder when you’re so close to the project that you need a contractor to be a disinterested third party and break the bad news. Happily, the ship isn’t sinking and just needs a course correction, but it’s not something any PM wants to hear.

We’re going to wrap up the review tomorrow and I’m sure we’ll uncover a few more things that need to be addressed when we rework things over the summer. The hardest part is going to be reminding myself that I can’t be the action officer on all of these changes… Anyone want to take a swing at guessing how good I am at handing off my babies and letting someone else work out the details?

A million and one things…

There are a million and one things that I should be doing this morning. Most of them pertain directly to preparing for the five project teams I’ve going coming in over the next two weeks to work on three different deliverables. But here I sit, keeping up with Mafia Wars, Facebook updates, the Drudge Report, and jotting down some ideas for a personal project that I have been kicking around for the last few weeks.

Some might say that I have a perfectionist streak or that I too often expect things to go as they are supposed to, but really, I’ve never expected more from anyone else than what I expect from myself. And while I’ve been successful over the last year at cutting way back on the 10 or 12-hour days, I think the quality of my production has probably improved.

I know I do good work… self-doubt has never been one of my afflictions. The masters I serve know I do good work, too, which is why the “hard to do” usually finds its way to my desk. Although I may complain of being given unreasonable timelines and too few resources, it’s rare that we don’t find a way to pull off the improbable or at least reach the 80% solution.

I’m not vain in the conventional sense… all I’ve ever asked for is a little recognition for making the improbable possible. When you’re told you are most worthy of that recognition, but that politically it’s impossible to reach that outcome, well, it gives one pause. It makes me wonder if maybe “good enough” is actually good enough and it certainly makes me question the need to continue delivering on time and on target… or perhaps I’m tilting at my own windmills.

If I seem slightly bitter, there’s probably a reason for that. I’ve never claimed to be entitled, but in head-to-head competition I’ll put my record against anyone and believe it will stand… if only the adjudication and application of criteria is impartial. When it’s not, I have to wonder what the hell we’re doing here anyway.

Sopranos for the 16th Century…

After catching it in bits and pieces several times while flipping through the channels, I finally broke down and bought season one of The Tudors last weekend. Why didn’t someone tell me about this before? It’s like The Sopranos with jousting! Sure, it’s a bit of a soap opera and the historical accuracy is somewhat suspect, but it has lots of violence and gratuitous nudity to make up for that, so what’s not to like?

I’ve had to ration myself to one episode a night just to keep myself going until the second season gets here on Monday. Sadly, I’ve come along to late to jump into the third season, but I’m doing my best to catch up. The 4th season will become a “must see” on my schedule. I just can’t say enough about how impressed I have been with this show… From someone whose usual television watching is limited to the news channels and the Discovery Channel, tuning in for a Drama is high praise indeed.