Connected...

Time was when I wanted to be connected to everything. I mainlined cable news, devoured newspapers and magazines with a passion, and lived and died by the coverage strength of my BlackBerry. At the moment, all I want is to take a few days and manage to get disconnected. Even the iPhone is a bit odious at the moment. Of course now I’ve been jacked in to the grid for so long I don’t know that I’d even know what to do if I did manage to cut loose from it… Although I suspect it would involve some kind of convulsions or perhaps the development of a nervous twitch.

Fact is that I’m mentally worn out from unreasonable expectations from above and disappointing performance from other quarters and from too many factors that are well beyond my ability to control or account for. I know I’m not performing as well as I should be… Certainly not as well as others expect of me and far, far short of what I expect from myself. I’ve always believed in fighting the battles I could win and leaving the others for another day, but lately there have been far too many losing propositions; fights that could have been won if I would have been able to turn my attention towards them in time.

It’s a situation that is simply unsustainable and the solution isn’t to disconnect. I know that. The answer can’t be to throw up my hands and declare it all too hard to do. The only answer I know is to get it all back in focus and then to press forward. The “how to” on that is a little fuzzy at the moment… Rest assured that I’m working hard to figure it out. To be sure, it’s not going to involve disconnecting. For all the aggravation of being tied-in all the time, the thought of not being connected is that is quite simply more terrible than I can bear.