A million and one things…

There are a million and one things that I should be doing this morning. Most of them pertain directly to preparing for the five project teams I’ve going coming in over the next two weeks to work on three different deliverables. But here I sit, keeping up with Mafia Wars, Facebook updates, the Drudge Report, and jotting down some ideas for a personal project that I have been kicking around for the last few weeks.

Some might say that I have a perfectionist streak or that I too often expect things to go as they are supposed to, but really, I’ve never expected more from anyone else than what I expect from myself. And while I’ve been successful over the last year at cutting way back on the 10 or 12-hour days, I think the quality of my production has probably improved.

I know I do good work… self-doubt has never been one of my afflictions. The masters I serve know I do good work, too, which is why the “hard to do” usually finds its way to my desk. Although I may complain of being given unreasonable timelines and too few resources, it’s rare that we don’t find a way to pull off the improbable or at least reach the 80% solution.

I’m not vain in the conventional sense… all I’ve ever asked for is a little recognition for making the improbable possible. When you’re told you are most worthy of that recognition, but that politically it’s impossible to reach that outcome, well, it gives one pause. It makes me wonder if maybe “good enough” is actually good enough and it certainly makes me question the need to continue delivering on time and on target… or perhaps I’m tilting at my own windmills.

If I seem slightly bitter, there’s probably a reason for that. I’ve never claimed to be entitled, but in head-to-head competition I’ll put my record against anyone and believe it will stand… if only the adjudication and application of criteria is impartial. When it’s not, I have to wonder what the hell we’re doing here anyway.